Belting for Christmas!

How have I never seen this? Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" makes me want to kill myself, but most people love it. It's annoying as hell, but now when I hear it I'll at least have this stunning visual to attach to it. There are many things to discuss. At first you're like "oh... it's like an old black and white variety show. ok, I guess that's kinda cool." But then you notice the tween backup dancers. And then the three fat black women. And then you see the look in Mariah's eyes as she dances like a twink and thinks she's grooving on Mars in a vat of chocolate pudding. I mean LOOK at that face. 

Tis truly the season. Thanks Mariah and Company. Jackpot. For a special treat, pay close attention at 2:13. After doing the weirdest arm flail ever, she checks her NAILS. Priorities Mariah.

House Full of Trees

Thanks Danny. I love this bitch.

Xtinas Xmas Xtasy

Some of my favorite campy moments occur when I am selling my soul at my place of employment. The other night, for instance, we decided it was time for Christmas music, because it's actually December 7th. Who knew?

To my delight, we don't play just any old Christmas album. Forget classy bitches like Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday (high out of her mind crooning the classics.) We feature a mix CD of Christmas songs with the likes of Destiny's Child and Christina Aguilera.

I am baffled as to why people ACTUALLY buy this music and listen to it seriously. These recordings and videos are so incredibly campy that it simultaneously ruins and enriches my Holiday season upon each listen. 

I hope you enjoy these holiday masterpieces and that you take an extra hit off your own materpiece before you watch.

First up, Xtina keeps it simple singing from the album Xtina's Xmas. I'm sorry. This is completely ridiculous and the best part starts at 2 minutes in. Kill me. Suprise appearance by our new Secretary of State. 

I want to fuck the shit out of whoever wrote the lyrics to this new Christmas CLASSIC:

The best commercial. EVER.

Mariah Carey. Belting. Trippy Claymation. Dreams Come True.